the winged frog has meaning...

Flying Frog (aka a future tattoo for me)

the winged frog has meaning for me beyond just a cool looking wooden carving that hangs on my ceiling.

i think this winged frog is on the back cover of The Choir record, "Free Flying Soul." i may be wrong about that... but i think so...  that record came out in '96 very close to the time i'm going to talk about in this post. Steve Hindalong told me that he still has the frog and it still hangs in his studio. and now, of course, he has the frog with wings tattooed on his arm. cool. (interesting factoid: Free Flying Soul was release by a record company called Tattoo Records)
well, that has nothing to do with my story though.... however to get to my feelings on the flying frog i'll have to go through a bunch of back story. i'll have to go back to a time that was a long, down, confused, devastating, detailed, eventful time, but i'll try to be short. i'll still say a lot, but there will have to be a whole lot i'll leave out... i've never written about these things before, so here goes....

once upon a time in 1995, i had one of the worst days of my life. after 20 years of marriage my wife ran away with all our money and a neighbor's husband, leaving me with a big house and two kids. she slipped out in the middle of the night while i was asleep and the kids were in bed. it was a very stormy July summer night and the loud thunder woke me up while it was still dark in the wee hours of the morning, and i noticed she was not in bed. so i went looking for her in the house, but she wasn't in the house. after much fretting and driving around town, things were starting to fall into place that she had left with another man, someone else's husband...

it was a Sunday morning and i was supposed to lead a Bible study and play worship in church, and my wife was scheduled to sing a special number; so after the sun came up, i had to call the church and let them know that we weren't going to be there because she was gone. i also had to call all of her day-care clients that day and let them know that she had left and the day-care was closed until further notice. one father got mad at me when i called. he asked me what he was supposed to do now, i answered his question with a question, "did you just hear what i said? my wife left me." ...

one of the most painful and ingrained memories i have about that day concerns a 16 year old Sean. i told him in the morning that his mother was gone and i didn't know where she was, but she'd probably be back later so he should go ahead with his plans for the day. he was going out with his girl friend to a picnic or something that day. but when he got home around dinner time, she wasn't back and i had to tell him that i was pretty sure that she'd run off with another man. what happened then is like a movie scene that i can screen in my mind. Sean stood at the hallway with his girl friend when i told him that his mother was gone with another man, he became pale and said, "why?" i said, i didn't know and thats when the news hit him. but it hit him with literal force, not just words, or emotions, the situation hit him with an actual blow. as he lost his breath, he made a sick groan that sounded like nothing i'd heard before and he stumbled back against the wall and almost fell down. but he caught himself, turned and ran to his room. in a few minutes i went back to check on him. he was not well. but thank God, he did recover and became a solid support to me. he helped me so much in those days and beyond.... my daughter was six at the time and didn't quite get it, i suppose. i remember a few days later when i was on the couch still crying and Sarah came near to comfort me and said, "it's alright daddy. i guess since you knew her longer you miss her more than me." ...

Flying Frog close up

 
it took a few days before my wife called me after she left. at first she was apologetic saying that i was the best man she'd ever known; and that she knew what she was doing was wrong, but she was going to do it anyway... but the phone calls quickly became ugly. she and the boyfriend started to call my house, especially when i was at work or out, and left messages for me. i think i still have a tape of them somewhere. the boyfriend would call me and boast about taking my wife from me. she would call me and say that i was ugly. they left hateful messages full of insults and names. i don't know why they were so mean to me, but they were! i guess they didn't think i was hurt enough... one of the favorite names they'd call me was "a toad," or "a frog." "you're a toad. haha." "you look like a frog." adults?? yep. but during this time God was so close. it was during this time that i came to realize that God is good - all the time! God gifted me with strength and wisdom as he carried me through the next awful weeks and months.

it was while this was going on that i walked into a mall store full of imported odd gifts and knick-knacks and there it was. my eyes locked onto my frog with wings! that frog was flying! God had gifted him with wings of eagles and he could soar above the muddy bog that tried to swallow him. he no longer hit his butt with every step, or hit his nose on every obstacle. he flew above the hills, the valleys, the snakes, predators, and problems. and from up there small people were even smaller. the winged toad was probably not that special, not that pretty, but for me it was profound. maybe i was a frog, but i was a frog that God loved! and i was blessed! i knew that i was gifted with abundant grace; and with wings like eagles to rise above my situation.

i took my flying frog home and hung him above my bed to remind me every morning and every night that i was blessed. God's grace was enough to sustain me. but His grace doesn't just sustain me, it lifts me up over top of the dirt that wants to muddy my vision, and the foxes that want to hurt me.... it's been a long time now since i found him, but he still hangs above me when i climb into bed and pray. and he watches over me as i sleep and dream. 

and he still reminds that i'm blessed!   :-)

Flying Frog hangs over my bed